yea...well I think it was a failure

So much has been going on in the world of Bould.  We are headed back to the United States.  As I reflect I think I knew deep in my soul that this was not the best move for us, but I wanted to do it and I wanted it to work for my husband.  We have had tremendous support since we have been here because his family is simply incredible, but we have not been the same.  Lots of fighting and lots of tears...all culminating in the idea that it is better for us if we head back to Arizona (thanks mom and dad) and then most likely back to Colorado.

I have a lesson about strengths and weaknesses that I used with my student council kids and then I would wrap the entire year around that idea.  The idea is that most people are so worried about fixing their weaknesses that they forget about their strengths...those things that make you happy and invigorate you.  We would talk about what their strengths were, how to play to their strengths, and how to stay on their strengths path...well I didn't just get off mine, I tripped and rolled down the side of the mountain hitting every tree on the way down.

The truth is we went about this move the wrong way...we should have moved to northern new england and filed paperwork for me and then we would have been close enough to look for jobs and I could have entered Canada allowed to work.  As it is I, in reality, probably would not be able to work for more than a year.  Now when we left Colorado I was pretty excited about not working.  I needed the break.  I have worked so hard teaching, continuing my education, and building leaders that I was tired and I really needed the break.  And then school started.  And I was a little sad because I wasn't in school...but it passed and I was still ok.  Now it has been 4 1/2 months, and a couple pounds, since I worked and I am sssooooo miserable it is unreal.  I truly realized what my path is and I needed to get back on it.

We also realized that moving around is not really what we want to do.  Once upon a time Sean and I had said that we could move around every couple of years and not really stay in one place...this move has made me realize that I am just tired of moving around.  And Sean has realized it too.  We have both realized that Colorado is the place we WANT to be.  To us it is perfect...great for the dogs and the perfect weather for both of us.  We have also realized that we need to work hard so when we decided we don't have to work any more we are comfortable enough and we can do what we want to do with a definite place to call home.

As we get ready to head back I am now wrestling with my feelings and emotions.  I know there was no way to anticipate this journey (or else it wouldn't have been a journey)...but I feel responsible for the way everything turned out.  I feel like I let Sean's family down, but teasing them with us being here and not staying and I feel guilty about all of the stress that was on my husband's shoulders about trying to support both of us.  I have had people tell me that I shouldn't feel that way, but I do and I don't regret it.  I have learned a lot about me and my relationship with this adventure and if we wouldn't have taken the leap I don't know if I would have these revelations....but I still feel bad.

The new apartment

So we are finally in.  We met with our landlord on Vendredi (Friday) and he had knocked on the previous tenants porte (door), with an officer, told him to grab some of his personal stuff and get out...apparently the guy was upset even after all of the notices.  So we met with him to get cles (keys) and regardez (look) at the appartement (apartment) and the he was still working on replacing the floor.  He had told us that some of the titles were cracked near the hot water heater and needed to be replaced...which  apparemment (apparently) meant the hallway and the cuisine (kitchen).  We told him that we had a truck and movers reserved for Tuesday and he promised he would be done...needless to say we showed up about noon and he wasn't done.  Sean stayed to put the lit (bed) together and I went to be with the dogs and start cleaning the other place as well as grabbing salle de bain (bathroom) and cuisine (kitchen) stuff.  Finally about 5 he was done and Sean was done and we were able to bring the chiens (dogs) to the new place.  They had to get used to a new place again...but they are doing good...and I got to sleep in a real lit (bed)!

So after a couple of semains (weeks) we have everything set up.  Here are the pics...

So just outside the door is the front door..but we don't use it cause the car is parked in back...and the washer and dryer will eventually go were the frame and bin are once we get them

 

 

this is looking down the rest of where the washer and dryer will be into the bathroom

and this the smallest bathroom in the world...at least this one has front above the medicine cabinet lighting...but not a single outlet

This is what you would see when you walk in the front door...living room and bedroom on the right, kitchen and guest room on the left

closer look at the end of the hall

This is the salon (living room) and our new couch, which didn't look this big in the store..but it will work for us.  I am working on a little art project for above it and it would be done but the saw at home depot was broken so I will post that later

the credenza is one of the things we have inherited and eventually it will be painted and probably have new handles put on it...and you can see the color of the couch a bit better

this is our most recent project.  I wanted some shelves to put pictures on and Sean had seen these old crates outside an antique store...so we got three of them and mounted them to the wall for pictures and I love the way they look

Kitchen...straight ahead is the back door which we use all the time

one side of the kitchen...the white cabinet is another piece we inherited and it has been a life saver as far as space needed...so we put pots, pans, crock pot, big mixing bowl, and stock pot in there for display and it works...the little table was an inheritance too and the chairs were something someone was throwing away

other side and that is all the cabinet space we have...we took the doors off of the middle cabinet, one because we love our colorful dishes and two because the dinner plates are too deep for the door to close properly

this is the little table and the extension for it..which we will use tomorrow when Sean's dad and brother come over for dinner...and the frames will be another little project I am working on

this was supposed to be the guest room...but surprise it wasn't as big as we were told...so it is an office and we had to give away the sofa bed because it wouldn't fit

these are the chairs that were in Sean's grand pere's (grandpa) office and they fit perfectly and they are happy to be out of storage

our bed which we were hoping would be too big for Luna to jump on...but its not

this is the look back toward the front door and the corner shelves that we also inherited..which fit perfectly

So that is the tour of our new appartement (apartment)...we are finding it rather homey now that we are done moving boxes around and we really don't have that much in our little storage unit, only some christmas ornaments and a couple of other pictures...

Hope you enjoyed your tour!

FINALLY

So it has been pretty crazy since our arrival.  As you know from my last post we thought we would get into our other appartement (yes I will be posting words in french...if I have to learn you can too) sooner rather than later...well it turns out it is later.  We have finally found out that our landlord was having the guy kicked out this weekend and we can get in around the 3rd.  So it looks like next weekend is moving weekend and I will post some pics when we get a chance.

I need everyone to think some positive job finding thoughts for the hubs.  He has several apps out and has been on a couple of interviews (not bad for about 3 weeks of real looking)...but no offers.  He has several opportunities coming up and we could use the extra positive.

The girls are doing good.  If they could talk I am sure they would say that they are excited about getting into a bigger place where they can really stretch out....

these were taking Parc Jean Drapeau on Isle St. Helene last weekend!

Back to School Blues

So it just hit me that I am not doing what I need to be doing.  During the last 12 years, at this time, I have been getting ready for the school year in some form or another.  The other day with all of the first day pics and the realization that we really can't file paperwork until Sean finds a job...I LOST IT!  It was a combination of my insecurity, vulnerability, and my sense of independence lost.  I knew that this new adventure would be oh so exciting and I knew it would be trying....I didn't think it would affect me like this.  So I did what anyone would do and I bawled my eyes out...luckily I have a wonderful person in my life who is very accepting of my neuroses and allowed me to cry and talk through everything.  I am sure I will have a couple more minor meltdowns in the future as this journey will most certainly test me...and I guess that is why it is a journey!

The apartment

Soo we found out yesterday that we will be moving into our original apartment hopefully in the next week...here is the story

We have been lucky enough to have many people who have helped us along this journey, including Sean's brother.  He introduced us to a friend of his that owns some apartment complexes (the ones that used to be houses and now they are 6-8 apartments), so originally we had talked about a two bedroom basement apartment that should be available the beginning of July...this is where I realized that landlords don't have the same power in Quebec as they do in the United States.  Sean's brother had signed a lease for us to move into that apartment when we arrived.  While we were still in Colorado we found out that the apartment probably wouldn't be ready in time for us to move in.  I am thinking the other tenant was just having some issues getting all of their stuff out...but no it turns out that you can skip paying your rent and the landlord has to wait 3 months before they can do anything and really all they can do it take you to court to get an injunction against you.  So because our landlord had a court date on the 23rd, he offered us another apartment that he had and once things got settled we could decide if we liked this one of the one that we originally signed the lease for.

When we arrived we walked into this apartment that I knew right away would not work for us.  The floors are wood and for those of you with dogs and wood floors you know it can be a challenge for the dogs.  So the pups walk in and start some slipping and sliding and then I see STAIRS.  Now I don't know if I have said this but Luna is starting to loose her eyesite.  She has cataracts in both eyes, 60% in her left and 10% in her right.  So occasionally she will run into stuff or step hard off a step...so slippery floors and steep stairs would not be good.  We let our landlord know that this current apartment would work in the interim, but we would not be able to use the downstairs because we would be afraid of the dogs falling down the stairs.  So for the past week we have been living in a studio apartment, that gets really small really fast.  We found out yesterday that the other tenant will be removed soon and hopefully within the week we will be able to move into the 2 bedroom that we originally though we would get.

Here are the pictures of what we are stayin in now...

this is where we have been sleeping..the sofa pulls out to a bed.  In a couple of weeks it will be in the guest room for when you come up to visit =)

This was taken next to the couch...our small little kitchen and a table that is really for extra space and to put groceries

Taken from the front door, which we don't use...we have to TV on a dresser that we got from a friend

Looking into the living room (?) from the fridge and that open doorway is the stairs which is coming up

out little bathroom with the winter curtain and bath mat because it was the first ones we found

 And here are the scary stairs...

here they are...we have my craft drawers in front of it so the dogs can't get down there

The Arrival

3 days and oh so many miles later, we arrived at the border and my biggest anxiety.  I have had so many dreams that I was told I would not be able to enter the country at the boarder.  So the first experience was coming up to the crossing, off a huge, slippery, metal bridge, and thinking I was in the wrong lane so I switched.  One of the first questions was why did I switch lanes and did I realize that I cut that person off....GREAT!  We were told to pull under a cover and go inside...inside is where I got in trouble.  The boarder agent wanted to know why I thought it would be ok to pack up all of our stuff and just come to Canada..."that is not how they do it in the United States, is it?".  My answer was yes, because that is exactly how it happened when Sean came to the U.S.; but having watched enough cop type shows I decided just to agree and play humble.  He then asked me a thousand questions and then told me to sit.  When he called me back up he told me that he had every right to deny my entrance for up to a year, but since I was married to a Canadian he would grant me an entry visa for 3 months.  In that explanation he also pointed out a couple times that I needed to be very grateful for this opportunity...so again I decided to be humble and thank him over and over.

I was then dismissed and told to send Sean in...gracious I had such mixed feelings of happiness that I was going to be able to stay and totally feeling like a little girl who had just gotten in trouble by her dad.  So Sean goes in and comes out with a clipboard where we had to list the entire contents of the car and the U-Haul...and the funny thing was they didn't seem to give two hoots about the dogs and that was one of our biggest collective concerns.

So here I sit with 3 months to get all of my paper work together and lots of stuff to fill out....